Mining for gold...

My father-in-law has a passion for mining - sifting through the dirt and muck to uncover treasures buried within. He has discovered some truly interesting gems, rocks, and even gold. The formation of these things has always fascinated me - how years and pressure, exact compounds and elements, all slowly become things of beauty.

The concept of rock formations parallels to many aspects of life, if we consider it…relationships, for instance. Rarely do we see the remarkable inner beauty of a person when we first meet. Relationships that become the gems of our lives are made over time, sometimes through the pressures of life - they withstand the years without cracking and crumbling into dusty pieces. 

Then, there is writing. The creation of characters, dialogue, and a plot that pulls at the heart strings of readers…it takes time, a compounding of elements, to slowly become a thing of beauty. It is also a mining process - sifting through the muck of the mundane to find the treasures worth keeping, buffing and polishing before it's ready to display. 

Gear up, writers! Put on the wading boots and get ready to work - there are creations of beauty to be found!

Happy Valentines to you all!

Genetics of a klutz…

Growing up, there was a saying in our house. Whenever a water glass was spilled or something broke: "There's an Edgerly in the house!" Named after my great grandfather, Eugene Edgerly, it became synonymous to klutz - you know, the person who drops things, shatters glass, accidentally cuts themselves on the oddest things…the klutz. As if the trait is genetically bound, hereditarily unavoidable - the Edgerly klutz. I clearly have it. If there is an odd way to get hurt, expensive thing to break, or important papers in a tall stack to soak with water - I'm your gal. How many people can say they broke their sesamoid bone (tiny one, under the big toe of the foot) while SITTING on a barstool in their kitchen? Or, how about spraining my ankle INSIDE a ski boot on the way down a slope in Aspen?

Both of my daughters seem to "inherit" this unique ability, this klutzy quirk. Sitting on my dresser are 4 broken glass items, waiting to be repaired, all thanks to my youngest. We named the week of January 15th- "the week of the blood pools." My eldest's foot manage to find a stray tin lid. "Um, Mom - she is bleeding to death," my overly excited son informed me. Maybe not to death, but slicing off part of the big toe really does make the floor red! Later on, she stepped on a piece of broken glass. (Actually, this one was thanks to my husband dropping a glass on the tile. Hm. Maybe he has the "gene" as well?) Same foot, different place - time to pull out the grout cleaner again.

We have genetic coding for a myriad of things - from hair and eye color, earlobe shapes, predisposition for addictive traits, and disease…so, maybe there is a gene for klutziness. Just kidding - I highly doubt it. Still, it would make for a better excuse, right?

Unfortunately, this one didn't make it onto the "fix it" pile on my dresser - this Edgerly chipped the front tooth climbing on the counter! Off to the dentist!

The power of the small...

I do sickness gracefully - it is an art I learned during my near three years of chemotherapy and radiation. Aches, pains, viruses…breaking body parts, shots into the bone, muscles, spinal chord, veins….surgeries, procedures, sprains, pulled and torn ligaments and tendons…all of that with (mostly) the grace of Mother Theresa. However, I have a proverbial Achilles heel - my cryptonite - throwing up. Yep. Give me a stomach bug or food poisoning, a batch of gag-inducing medications, and I am a complete mess. Perhaps it stems from the reaction to various chemotherapies, a long term psychological effect from nausea, shaking, and holding onto to the coolness of the porcelain throne (um, toilet). Regardless - I am the opposite of grace when it comes to nausea and vomiting!

With all the stomach bugs making their rounds through the population (Purple a victim of such), I was thinking. Drives to doctor's offices without kids arguing or giggling in the back seat allow for such times of contemplation! These "bugs" are microscopic, unseen by the human eye, yet they wreak havoc on our health! Viruses and bacteria - teeny, tiny things that can take the grown man from health to the hospital in a matter of days. In doing General Science with my older two kids, we are learning about the five kingdoms: Monera, Protista, Fungi, Plantae, and Animalia. Bacteria belongs to the Monera kingdom - a prokaryotic cell (no distant membrane-bounded organelle) - so small, so powerful. (Viruses, oddly, don't fall into any of those kingdoms!)

To be even more contemplative - there is power in the small, the unseen. Adolf Hitler was an art reject, barely surviving in Vienna - yet he rose to lead a conquering nation and was responsible for World War II and the killing of millions. Jesus Christ was the son of poor carpenter and teenage mother, yet birthed the now world-wide faith of Christianity! A small size or lack of importance doesn't mean lack of power. Like the bacteria or virus that spreads through families, a single person can influence the world. Ok, maybe not exactly alike, but you get the idea, right?

(PS - a quick hello to my German and Russian readers - thank you for consistently stopping by for a view!)

The Colors of friends...

I am blessed to have dear friends in my life - the kind I can be honest with…the good, bad, and ugly of life in visceral honesty. For anonymity's sake, I will name them as colors - the hues that ground and brighten my life. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, and Purple - I love you all!

By order of rainbow….

Red. She is passionate about life, even when the cards she has been dealt are a mess of tattered edges and tears. Regardless to health, family, and chaos, she is the embodiment of strength and dignity. She is a free spirit in a grounded body, a wise "risk taker." Like the fire in a hearth, she burns brightly, warming my heart and cold feet.

Orange. When I think of this color, I imagine the bright hues of the autumn trees; leaves in their final stage of life, brimming with vibrance despite the season's storms. Orange has been through unimaginable life storms, yet she radiates. She has been my rock with issues of PTSD, my fellow mother of children with ADD and Autism - my autumn leaf beside me in the winds of life.

Yellow. Like the sun shining into the darkness, Yellow is light to me. She guides with a warm hand and is always there. She is faithful. Even when clouds hide her view, she lives truth and exudes love. Without the sun, plants wilt and wither - she inspires this plant to stand tall and grow!

Green. She is the color of life and springtime - the blades of grass peeking out of the dirt, revealing the life within. Her perspective is as fresh and her potential is like the long, green stem of a flower in bloom. Our bonds surpass blood and runs freely into the vast fields of friendship.

Blue. She isn't the color of sadness, but of the sea and sky. The world is wide and she has spread her wings to fly to the farthest parts of it. She is an inspiration of opportunity. Her heart is massive, like the ocean, and she has allowed me to witness the waves. In spirit, she brings me along on adventures of triumph and defeat, truth and lies, weakness and strength.

Purple. She is strength, a leader and guide into the unknowns of life. She cares for those in need, volunteers her time and energy, crochets encouragement into the chaotic patterns of my life. She is not a violet, but an iris - brightly swaying in the breeze, leaving a welcoming scent. She inspires me to grow, to better myself in marriage and motherhood.

The squirrels of ADHD...

"Evan, go upstairs and get your socks," I tell the blonde boy of seven years.
"Ok!"
Up the stairs he goes…down again, five minutes later, still barefooted.
"Evan, where are your socks?"
Blue eyes wide, "Oh!!"
Up the stairs he goes again…another five minutes, still without the socks.
This would play on repeat, everyday, until I began to tell him to say the word "SOCKS" until he retrieved a pair and had them on his feet.

He wasn't deliberately disobeying. Instead, once upstairs, he would get distracted, forget that mounting the stairs had a purpose, and come back down. We call them squirrels, thanks to Pixar's "Up." I saw the signs, the similarities that I struggled with for decades before diagnosis. ADD or ADHD. Like me, it was the latter.

A quick schooling on ADD and ADHD - it is a brain thing, focus specific. We have too many nerves firing off at the same time. While this gives us the unique ability to multi-task, it does leave us lacking in the ability to reign it all in, quiet the noise. A friend once put it perfectly - ADD is like being in a room with three radio stations playing, two tvs on, you are cooking an egg, and someone wants to have your full attention to answer an important question. Yes! I would imagine if you did that with anyone, they would have to utilize great energy to listen to the question and reply with all the noise! Yet, that is our "norm."

As for the H in the letters, hyperactivity is often misunderstood. You might picture a four year old streaking through the house, full throttle, chaos in their wake. However, it isn't necessarily external hyperactivity that is expressed with the H. It does mean something extra must be muted to remain focused. I "self medicated" for decades - in the form of twirling my hair while watching tv or listening to lectures, pacing back and forth in a room while on the phone, wiggling my toes inside my shoes when expected to maintain complete stillness. Hyperactivity is also what my son and I call our "super power" - in the form of hyper focus, we can funnel all the channels into one, that is so loud, it drowns out everything else. If I hyper focus while writing or digging through genealogical records, the fire alarm could be going off and it would take a bit to get my attention! Hours pass that feel like mere moments.

While writing this blog - the squirrels have been running through the room: Dog comes in, squirrel! I overhear my husband and son playing on x-boxes, "you have to go under the water." What do they mean? Squirrel! Youngest puts a gerbil on my shoulder…well, that one is almost a real squirrel, still - squirrel!

And sometimes a squirrel literally distracts your day…when you find one in the yard - Squirrel!

55 Years - Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Growing up - I was not raised to "see" color. Race and ethnicity were not the essence of bias, character was. My childhood friends were a hodgepodge of skin hues, all darker than my own. (This is pretty much a given in any social scenario - I come in two tones, pale and burned red!) Immigrant and native born, my circle was wide. I am grateful for this upbringing, yet it makes grasping the reasons for hate due to hue all the more difficult!

Today, we remember Martin Luther King, Jr, the man who stood in Washington, DC. and gave the iconic "I have a dream" speech. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."The content of their character, beautiful alliteration. Judging by color, at that time, meant whether the skin was dark or light. As the years have passed, America has added many hues that range between and, sadly, each is still "judged."

"In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred." Fifty-five years has brought wars and recessions, technology and medical advancements - progress in much of life, yet the divisions continue. Beyond the color of our skin, we divide and judge gender, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, financial positions, and political affiliations. Toddler-like tantrums due to opinions voiced, people "unfriending" each other on social media platforms due to the votes they cast, violence erupting in streets, with fists and weapons…wrongful deeds, bitterness and hatred. These were the warning words of a man who is honored this January day, yet where is the honor in these behaviors? I can answer that - there is none!

Martin Luther King, Jr. had integrity and spirit - he loved people and had courage to peacefully voice and advocate his beliefs. He united both blacks and whites to follow and pursue the cause; he inspired.

Now - I have a dream. I have a dream that my three children might one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, by the multiple ethnicities flowing through their veins, by the religion in which the believe and follow, by their sexuality, by whether they are rich or poor, by whether they vote Democratic or Republican, by the career path the choose, or by anything more than the content of their character. Might they be judged as fair and kind, sensitive to the needs of others, loving towards the people around them, open to voicing opinions while respecting the opinions of others. May they be judged for their forgiveness and acts of charity, for following laws and being productive members of society, and for being hard workers, earning and not entitled.

(Quotes: Thanks to www.archives.gov/files/press/exhibits/dream-speech.pdf Copyright 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Where is the toilet plunger?!...

Shel Silverstein - I was first introduced to his poems 30 years ago, when a friend gifted me a hard copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends. Lines read and re-read, some even pasted into memory - the kind so tightly glued that they can still be quoted years later, decades later!

It all began when the toilet plunger became a pretend light saber. The life of that play was cut immediately short. "Do you know where that has been?!" Inside shutter, slight gag, before demanding hand washings. "Teddy said it was a hat, so I put it on. Now Daddy's saying, "Where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?" The words tumbled out of my memory and mind, onto my tongue. I laughed. It could have been worse, right?

It provoked me to contemplate the aspects of memory - the way the brain works and remembers. Obviously, if we constantly repeat things, we tend to remember them....or maybe not obviously, but it seems to be the case. However, do you remember that song - the one that came out when you were twelve and played through the speakers of your radio continuously, for months. You knew every word and pause, every building crescendo, every staccato sounding word. Decades have now past - that same song that filled your every day has only passed your ears a dozen times since then, but it begins to play on a radio station. Before your kids can flip the station, your hand freezes their motion. There you are again, decades later, singing every word in sync with the artist. But how do you remember it all?

I honestly think music and rhyme play a big part of the memorization - that poem, that song...it is the rhythm and rhyme that catch, crocheting of lyrics into the recesses of memory, easily pulled out, like a loose string from fabric.

Now to sanitize that plunger, just in case star wars calls for another saber fight!

When the best of baking intentions goes…bust?

It's the holidays…time for purchasing gifts, wrapping them, last minute errands, decorating, and baking. Oh, the smells that fill the home, lingering aromas of vanilla and cooked dough - it's the scented candle delight without lighting a flame.

This year, I decided that I would bake for the neighbors, as well. In the previous years, bouts of viruses have kept me from this endeavor, but 2017 is deemed to be cookies (and fudge) year! My eight year old helped me narrow down the list of options (hardly narrowing when choosing five, plus fudge, but still) - oatmeal with red and green M&Ms, sugar with sprinkles, peanut butter, caramel, and lemon drop.
Beginning yesterday, we started with the sugar and caramels. "Helping," she stirred, covered the counters with flour, dropped bits of dough on the floor (much to our dog's delight), and placed balls of our blendings onto cookie sheets. Although she made more of a mess than helped, I was glad that I put her in charge of balling up and lining the last tray.

Why, you ask? Caramel pieces - the ones for baking, are the same pale ,fleshy color as the dough. My bright idea was to top all the ones I had made with a caramel piece - falsely assuming it would melt into the cookie, giving the top bite as much delight as the inside. What I didn't realize is that the caramel does NOT melt, but, instead, turns a lovely shade of tan. Allow me to give you a visual.



So…this happened. Can you note the difference between mommy-topped cookies and my daughter's? Do you see why I was so relieved that she did the second tray? Sigh. Otherwise, no caramel cookies would have been added to the neighbor's plates! haha


On the other hand, I believe I have found a wonderful recipe and unique "look" for any future mammogram technicians or breast surgeons. Lacking the usual reds and greens, it truly could be a gift of any occasion?!

Although this particular batch was a…bust, we have thoroughly enjoyed them!

Merry Christmas - and happy writing!

What autism looks like….

This is a new thing for our family - autism. I could go into a detailed back story of how and why our eldest daughter wasn't diagnosed until age 13 - signs assumed to be quirks, delays thought to be laziness, singular, random melt-downs so far a few between that the connection was lost. At 3 years, she was "tested" by a group in North Carolina - the answer, "believed to be on the spectrum, but not specific due to abilities to be interactive with others." I left it at that. I was uninformed and uneducated - the few autistic individuals I knew were more in the realm of Rain Man, the more typical assumption.

She can talk, she interacts, and she doesn't scream about things. Sure, her speech was hard to understand until well after 5 years and her sentences condensed to short staccatos of random words. No, she wasn't interested in pretend play with other girls (or on her own) and didn't seem to have a grasp of volume control when "talking" to herself. But - she was happy, easy-going. She was the infant who was happy in anyone's arms, the baby who never cried unless she was injured, the toddler that had only one all-out tantrum. Yet, there wasn't the usual "comfort found in mommy" connection, no communication for being hungry, wet, or tired.
With number two born 19  months later, I was grateful of her seemingly low-maintenance personality, especially when our son was quite the opposite! :)

It wasn't until a few poignant events, ages 11-13, that something didn't settle for me. With pen and notepad, I began writing it all out - the "quirks," delays, previous findings, aversions to strange things and fixation on others; those events that didn't add up, didn't make sense. I researched and began asking the "right" questions with her and finally talked to our pediatrician. "I think that I should refer her to the behavioral science group at the University of South Florida and that she should be tested for Autism Spectrum Disorder." What?! No, no, no - she makes eye contact, she can talk - there is just something else up, right?

After completing a stack of paperwork, I received a call from one of the psychiatrists at USF. Three hours later, after numerous questions, she wanted to move to the next stage - observation and testing with our daughter. She strongly felt that she should be tested further. After a five hour appointment and a month of the psychologist's team's viewing of videos and questionnaires done that day, my husband and I found ourselves in the Dr's office again. Yes, she was definitely on the Spectrum, Autism specific in it…with an anxiety disorder. Although we were prepared to hear "spectrum," it still felt like our world took an unexpected tilt.

Everyone diagnosed is different - let's just start there. There are variances in the levels of autism, in scope - it is truly wide and intimidating. What I want to share is what autism looks like - for this teenage girl.

She is smart and scores well when academically challenged. Her aspirations are to be a large animal vet and if she puts her mind to it, I know she will be one! Although her facial expressions are not as varied as my younger two, her smile can brighten a room. She comes across as shy to most - unsure about what she should say or do, worried about not reading someone's body language correctly. She will start a therapy group for that next month, though -given a safe place to practice and working with people who understand the complexities of the austic brain far better than our hours of research and reading possess.

She is also quiet, unless she has something to say. She is sensitive - especially to anything perceived as criticism. She defends other's quicker than herself. Although sarcasm is lost on her, her world being very black and white, she has a quick sense of humor and her laugh is contagious. She is loyal - trust may be very slowly earned from her, but once she does, she is fiercely loyal.

She has a super power - an unexplainable connection with animals. She can quiet the wildest of horses with her voice and soft touch. This ability became apparent when she was just shy of two years old and wandered towards a pit bull, whose owner was on his cell. When we saw her, she was laying stomach-to-stomach, babbling at the dog and the owner had ceased his conversation and was standing with mouth agape. "I don't understand - he hates children and bites! But then she came up - I swear, I didn't see her - and he sits, then lays down, then this - " gesturing to the scene before him. The incident wasn't singular and we now call it her super power, one that will certainly come in handy with a rowdy elephant in the future!

That is the thing - about autism, ADD/ADHD, other medically termed diagnosis with "disorder" looming at the end. It isn't a disorder, not necessarily, it is a difference. Sure, the brain may have to be taught certain social cues and how to wrap the mind around what isn't black and white, what is grey. But that same brain can access things that ours can't - whether with animals, the ability to pick up musical instruments with ease, or telling what day of the week was March 28th, 1763 - those are super powers! I shared with her about the girl with autism who never spoke. People assumed she wasn't smart, so she taught herself how to read and write - now? She is a published author! She can't make the words in her mind come out of her mouth, but boy can she write them! (See, back to writing!) Would she have that unique ability to describe what most often limit to speaking if she could form those words verbally?

Since navigating these waters of autism is so new to us, the learning curve so wide, I am sure this will not be the only blog I will post on the topic. I did want to introduce this "let's be real" first as it is one, of many, in which fills those pen hued pages of notebook. It is life and it is beautiful.

The wave...

As I brush off the dust from my computer's neglected keyboard and open the college-ruled notebook that accompanies me to every chiropractic, physically therapy, blood testing, -ologist, etc. apt…every two hours of becoming the human kid-taxi…I finally sit down to blog, to you. The chicken scratchings of thoughts, marked in various hues of pen colors and pencil strokes - notations, ideas, and random thoughts….all with the plans to pry open the laptop and click away at the keys, yet not doing so.

In last year's blog, "Coffee and chronological order…," I mentioned not getting caught up by linear form, to pen the scenes that the mood dictates, not just what should be next. In a round about way, I have ignored my own suggestions and done just that! Although there isn't a chronological order to my blog, there is the underlying topic - about writing. However, even though my daily life is writing, it isn't the process or finite details that consume it - It is life. I realized that without tips and tactics to share, I wasn't blogging. With the chaos of life, I pen it, but never post. So - for the time being, I am no longer limiting myself suggestion, but to whatever drives my thoughts, yet writer focused. Maybe I should rename - "The continuing writer - let's be real"?

Why the title, "The wave…"? In those many hours, riding over speed bumps, stopped at red lights, and rolling my eyes at impatient drivers, a thought came to mind. We drive a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon - my husband's pride and joy. When he bought our silver tank, the dealership let us in on the Wrangler secret - the wave - four fingers up and a slant, given to the Wranglers driving the other way. I have no idea where this began or why it is singular to this vehicle, just that it is. It is a commonality - "I chose as you did" vehicular connection between strangers. Maybe writers need a wave - perhaps a pencil in the air - "I write, too!?" The thought was fleeting and invoked a soft giggle - "there goes that lady driving around with her pencil in the air!" Obviously, it wouldn't catch on and has more potential to become a driving hazard than a "thing," but still - to all you writers, taxying your children here and there, I raise my invisible pencil to you!

Having problems "braining?"...

Allow me to paint you a picture with words…
Millions of water droplets are assaulting your car's windshield. Back and forth, wipers work in synchronized motions, clearing the moisture from the glass. Traffic. Of course it would be heavy on hour ten of eleven long ones. As the happy American Bulldog snoozes with your daughter in the backseat, the hubby hums along to the radio and chomps on the cookies purchased at the gas station north of Ocala. Behind the wheel, you navigate the rain storm and automobiles. In a domino affect, taillights shine red - one after another, breaks peeling with their complete stops. Your arms and body tense, taught as the wheel you grasp tightly, foot firm in the heavy push of the pedal, as the Jeep shimmies to a stop. Behind you, the Mercedes is less attentive to the series of events and still approaches, closer and closer, until a jerking action shoves you forward. Lovely. Hour ten. One to go. Pulling over into the wet grass beside the cluttered asphalt lanes, you and the Mercedes roll. Hour ten, with the upcoming police report, now two to go.

We had a wonderful vacation in the picturesque North Carolina foothills last week. A few trees were tipped with red lined leaves, preparing for the autumn peak. With two vehicles for the trip, it meant neither car held all three kiddos (read: MUCH quieter) and the dog was a wonderful traveler! Now, however, I feel like I need a vacation after my vacation! The whiplash of the rear-ending fractured a vertebrae in the upper lumbar of my neck. (At least the X-rays validated that my pain wasn't imagined!) I, as the sole tensed one in the car, was the only injured party, thankfully. Since then, however, I seem to be having a problem braining!

It is a made-up verb, I know; but it is the best way to describe the cobwebs and fog in my mind.  I have read the same paragraphs over and over, walked into many a room and forgotten why I entered, looked at my third grader's math with a puzzled expression - oh, it is math. Hm. The accident didn't give me dame bramage or anything (har har), but the pain just has me "off" in the department of adequate braining. I was going to wait until I felt better to blog (because, frankly, I couldn't think of what to blog about!), but opted to just write whatever popped into my head, instead. My first thoughts, staring aimlessly at the blank post title, was "I am having problems braining!!" So - there you go! Ever have a hard time braining?

The backseat occupants..at the NC rental house. (Photograph contributed by Holly McLaughlin, my sis-in-law. :) )

Hurricane Irma - In the eye of the storm...

After I sent my sister-in-law a picture of our house - metal hurricane shutters donning our windows, secured up and ready to brace for Hurricane Irma - she said it looked like inspiration for a dungeon story! Although I haven't considered something quite so dark, it did get me thinking about how my unique surroundings could be quite inspirational. Thanks to my dear s-i-l, my mind wandered…away from pantry of dried goods, which were likely to be our next week's meals, far from the bathtubs filled with water to flush our toilets, straying from the spaghetti models of hurricane paths leading right over our home…and onto the details of the observed.

Sunlight filtered in through the small cracks around the metal shutters. Tiny specks of light dared to enter the darkness, sneaking in like shadows in reverse. It was both eerie and calm at the same time. Odd. My creative juices, now on stories instead of meal planning with cold beans and tuna packs, turned towards the possibilities amidst a deadly storm - a murder mystery. What better cover to committing a heinous act than under the veil of chaos that of the wind and rains accompanying a hurricane?

Writing, creating - it is more than a creative outlet or driving passion. It can be balm to the soul…and, in that day, soothing to the sanity! Although I am generally a patient person, the one area in which I inevitably fail is the "hurrying up to wait" type. For example, you rush as fast as the speed limit and traffic will allow to make it to a doctor's appointment on time - only to sit and wait for an hour before being seen. Hurry, hurry, hurry - stop, wait, wait, wait. Nope, just not that great at the art of that type of patience! For anyone who has prepped for a hurricane - from the day that the storm is discovered to be heading your way until it hits - there is a LOT of hurry. Hurry to the store to buy any food you may need (and water). Hurry to the gas station before the rush on gas leaves you without. Hurry to put shutters on, board up windows, put down the sandbags, or whatever needs to be done on the exterior of the house. Inside, hurrying in preparations for electricity and utility outages (AC turned way down (check), fridge and freezer at  lowest setting (check), bathtubs filled with water (check), generator working (check), flashlights, batteries, candles, and lighters all together (check)). Hurrying to clear out safe rooms and fill them with any needed supplies. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Wait. Wait, Aaaaand wait! In this past week's case, wait an additional day and half, being the meteorologist were wrong about almost everything concerning Irma - from paths to times to CAT levels! Dealing with worried children: "Are we going to die?" "Are we going to get sucked out the roof it it comes off?" "What happens if my stuffed animals get caught in a flood and disappear?" "What if I have to poop DURING the storm?!" The list goes on - haha. 

Thanks to my s-i-l's thought, I now had a sanity soother and saver. Write! Pen in hand (wanting to concerve the laptops's battery, of course), I wrote what I observed. The shape of the shutters against the windows, the bits of sunlight trying to seep inside, the mirror-like image it case on the walls…the sounds of the wind and rain hitting the metal, escalating into higher and louder octaves of chaos and noise…the worried children who eventually found slumber to be their companion, breathing hard, but barely audible against the wind and rain…the feeling of completely quiet and calm, almost eery, surrounding me when I woke, when the storm had passed…all of it.

Although I highly doubt a murder mystery will be fleshed out from this experience, it has fed the imagination with detail and realism that I, most likely, would not have completely considered. Be inspired by the chaos around you - tuck the details into your verbal toolbox. Using them paints pictures of realism, raw and true - not merely envisioned and imagined, but genuine!

Hurricane shutters installed and ready!

Self publishing vs. vanity publishing...

Oh, the wide world of publishing! You have spent those days, weeks, months, and years, soul-pouring.  Trusted extra eyes have perused your pages. Red markings cover sheets of script, running comments from character or plot inconsistencies to the notes of your ever-honest grammar nazi. All criticisms have been taken into consideration; all edits are done. With numb finger tips, eyes blurry and red - it is ready - that labor of love is completed! Although you may not feel 100% confident that your work is publish-worthy, others do. (Let's face it, we are our worst critics.)

Time for the agent tango - that arduous dance of query letters and waiting…and waiting…and waiting. Chances are high that you will never receive a response from an agent - not even a simple "no," will be sent. So, why bother with an agent - well, most publishers do not accept unsolicited manuscripts. What does that mean? Without an agent to solicit, they won't be reading anything. So, back to the agents - look at the requirements for reading query letters - most say that they are not interested in new clients, unless they have published a book! Full circle - no agent = no publisher, nothing published = no agent! (Of course, that isn't always the case, not with every agent or each publisher; however, this is a fair warning, the sometimes invisible rules of the game.)

Before you close this blog, with a sigh of defeat, please read on: There are more ways to be published than through agents and big publishers! However, one is reputable, the other not. When the words "self published" get tossed around, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Probably similar thoughts to those I once had.

First of all, self-publishing is not the same thing as vanity publishing. How so? Vanity publishing is where you pay money to see your book in print. Now, these can be sneaky - a publisher might rave about your work, say they want to publish, BUT that you need to put in some cash (your part) for it to come to fruition. Hmm. Nope. This is a vanity publisher - it would be cheaper to go to Staples and have them print your book in bulk! With self-publishing (or Indie Publishing, as some are called), other than electing to pay an editor or artwork consultant, etc., "your part" is in royalties received, not payments out. (An aside, I went to a self publishing seminar - becoming your own publishing company, taking bids for editors, art consultants, printers - all for their cut in royalties - is also an option. In this case, they make bids for you, therefore are only paid when books are sold. They have investment in your project, as well as you do. Leave a comment and I would be happy to share more about this process. It is more detailed than using a one-stop-shop, but can be more rewarding, as well.)

So - self-publishing looks like an option for you? Do your homework and have a plan before uploading that brain child of yours onto a self-publisher platform. For starters - create a business plan! A what? "I am a writer/author, not a marketer or salesman!" Maybe so, but it is your piece of work, your responsibility. (Another aside - yes, large publishers do promote their own authors and do much of the marketing, but most now want to know what you can bring to the table, as well. They want to know whether or not you already have an audience, promotional ideas, what all you will do, in terms of book signings, readings, appearances, etc. After a friend's first book did well with a publisher, she opted to self-publish her next. Her words, "I was already doing most of the work and the profits were much greater with self-publishing.")

Back to the business plan - research the minimum prices for various formats for your work. (E vs. paper - they all will have different minimums.) Research things like - best search words, best eye-catching covers in small (aka, thumbnail on-line) and print version, most versatile fonts, etc. Yes, research! Then, consider your audience. What places or types of people are featured in your work? Build off of that. Plan to use social media, email contact lists, put it in your annual Christmas letter - think outside the box: Where, to whom, and how can I promote my book. Did you mention a specific cafe or diner in your book? Call them - tell them about your upcoming debut and that it holds free advertising for them. Ask if they will help promote your book with a simple sign: "Check out the XYZ Diner in John Doe's new novel, Bla Bla Bla! After that initial shock wave of friends and family who support your book, who else is going to follow, clicking a purchase button from an unknown author? Having a plan will help in the long term success of your work.

There are many self-publishing platforms who work, hand in hand, with bookstores (on-line and not), and offer a plethora of options in guiding you through the process of manuscript to book. Amazon's kindle and createspace are two that are user friendly and free, for starters. HOWEVER - read the fine print and protect yourself and the rights of what you have labored to create! Get an ISBN for your novel or writing collection. Although it may promote more exposure, sharing is an option of which to be wary. (An option that allows anyone to share the book around, fee free.) Be diligent in searching for other stories that surface that have similar themes to yours - plagiarism in the e form is on the rise! :O

Yes, there are publishers and agents who watch the sales of new novels, trolling for potential clients and money makers for their businesses. However, if your work is doing well on its own, do you need them? Only if they can bring to the table guarantees that are worth what might cut into your royalties - such as, in writing, contracts to sell future books, added marketing, etc. Also, again, be wary of vanity publishers who also scout good sales - always research any promising publishers and agents. And hold those rights to your labor of love tightly to your chest - it is YOUR creation!

Why do you write?...

It is a legitimate question - why do you write?

We paint and draw because we like the tactile nature of the activity, pouring colors onto the white and creating something new. We read because we enjoy it - are amused by it, inspired by it. Traveling, swimming, riding horses, playing games, spitting watermelon seeds - whatever it may be, it entertains and excites, relaxes and rejuvenates. Writing, on the other hand, isn't something we label as a hobby. It creates, like other forms of art, it may entertain and inspire, excite and amuse, relax and rejuvenate, like other hobbies, but, for me, it is not - it is a passion. It is my soul's song, bringing to life characters that leave the pages and enter hearts.

But what is the goal of writing for you? All of the above hobbies have an end game, so to speak - a painting to enjoy, another book for our shelves, more pictures to decorate the scrapbooks of our traveling adventures, another trophy or triumph for the mantle. I think that is the difference of why we don't categorize writing as a "hobby." Is "I just enjoy it" enough?

If we are honest, the wide world of publishing comes to mind. It is that proverbial "pat on the back" that legitimizes our hours, days, weeks, months, and years of pouring ourselves into a story or book; our artwork on display in the world's literary gallery. However, here is a question you should ask yourself - what if nothing you write ends up on the shelves of someone's personal library? It comes back to: "Why do you write?" Is it a passion or desired profession? Honestly, I doubt it can be the latter without the former.

Here is another thoughtful question: When you meet someone new, in those obligatory introductions and veiled details of your life, do you expose, "I am a writer," or "I am an author?" If the answer is yes, then it is most definitely a passion, one rooted so deeply in your heart that it is a part of your identity.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a writer is one who writes; an author is the writer of a literary work, such as novels, poems, short stories, and the likes. (My wording.) If you have created literary works, you are an author - publication is not a requirement of the title, did you know that?

Consider the question, why do you write? In my next blog, I want to share with you some opportunities for exposure. For those with the passion, who are willing to go a step forward, and put yourself out there - allowing those words you penned to be read by more than family and friends! Until then - happy writing!

August 21, 2017's Solar Eclipse - Central Florida's View :)

A lot of geek, and a little writing...

I would imagine that most of us have that one subject or activity that truly draws us towards it - a passion, so to speak. If we were to define it as an intense passion, it may even qualify for the "geek level" of interest. My geek level? Genealogy! Yes, I am the one of those who spends hours sifting through birth and death certificates, immigration records, census reports, and the likes. My youngest recently asked me, "Why do you care about all these dead people - it isn't like you knew them!" Hmm, good question.

Part of it is the challenge - the mystery of unwrapping an individual's life who can no longer speak for themselves. Another aspect is the history (and I have mentioned my love for that more than a few times). However, it's the story behind the records that truly intrigues me - the proverbial pulling back the curtain of facts and revealing the details of raw life.

There are three family members who presently have my full "geek attention," one based on facts and two on inherited stories, rumors even. Who was great grandpa's real daddy and the truth behind the name changes, after immigration. Although the second of those three might peek your curiosity most, it is what has become of the third that I will share…sorry. ;)

As the story goes, my great, great, great grandfather immigrated to the United States with his mother and younger sister, from Germany, in the early 1800s. No one knew anything about his father, just that he had died before they immigrated….or, at least, that is what was passed down. With little to work with - names, various immigration dates, probable birth dates, possible towns…you get the jist, lots of stories and little facts, I dove into the mystery surrounding the people. Census records, Civil War papers, and marriages in the United States were concrete, but the dates were messy. One census had a birth date of 1828, another 1834. Civil War papers even made notes that the last name was spelled with variations and dates of birth weren't the same. Varied spellings of surnames are understandable - many people changed the spelling of their last names to sound more "Americanized." Birth dates, though? Immigration dates also differed. The one clue that I had was on a single death certificate - a maiden name for his mother - Blum.
To shorten the story, before I bore you into closing this blog - Between a cousin and I, we have connected many dots. For starters, we couldn't find their immigration records with the surname Warner, because they didn't use it - they used Blum. Birth records from Gundelfingen, Baden, Germany unlocked other doors, such as, she had three children, not two, and all their records had this nice little German word under the name. Google translate to the rescue - the word meant "illegitimate." Hmmm, well, that helped a bit. Tracking down the Warner aspect of it was a dead end, after initially thinking maybe that was the lover's last name. Then my cousin told me about a Catholic Prayer Book that the mother had brought with her from Germany, to help her learn English. The inscription was from a Muller to a Frei - neither names were in the mother's genealogy that either of us could find. Also, they weren't Catholic - no records of christenings, marriages in Catholic church, etc. Utilizing the story that the trio immigrated under the sponsorship of the lover's brother, various details fell into place. All three and the Frei brother were found in the 1850 census. Also, in the course of investigating, I found that some of the mother's relatives were buried in Jewish cemeteries. Interesting.

So - what does this particular geek interest have to do with writing? There is a story here - the grit behind the facts, to play with and create. If the speculation comes to fruition, a Catholic fell in love with a Jewess, had three children, then died (or not) before she immigrated with her two living children to the United States. How did they meet? I did some research into having children out of wed-lock in that time and country. Once betrothed/engaged, a couple was seen to be married in the Jewish faith. (Makes sense, if you have ever read about Joseph's questions on quietly divorcing Mary, in the Bible.) If he were converting and they were seen as married, it would be perceived entirely different than a Jew converting to Catholicm and having children before marriage. So, what really happened to him? Did he die or was he pulled back to his family for some reason. (I have yet to find anyone with the last name of Frei or Muller, or any variations of either, who died in that time frame and place.) And…why change from Blum to Warner around 1860? These are still things clouded with speculations…more mystery to unravel, curtains to dust out and open. But regardless, there is a story, seeped in traditions, blending faiths, unexpected love, tragedy. (The youngest child died in a drowning at 2 years of age, as well.) There are heart wrenching swells and valleys in that story, even if I never discover all the facts. It inspires me to pen it, using the knowns and stirring in the questions, chocolate chips in the cookie dough of imagination - concocting a more tasty and textured story.

My great, great, great Grandfather.