Vacationing with autism...

I will have to admit - when we lifted off a little after 1pm this past Wednesday, I was a ball of nerves. My eldest, Abigail, had taken her meds for altitude sickness and was tightly holding the bandana that was specially made for her (by a new, dear friend in FL) - four selected pictures of her therapy cat, Sassafras, and name printed in the perfect blue…she stroked the pictures and quietly chewed her gum.

Before the trip, we went over many "escape routes" for the unknown. It was the first time she was going to spend time with her NC bestie, Addison, AND spend the night(s) without family present. Yet, she never used any of them! Parents of kiddos on the spectrum can appreciate the weight of this, the amazement and the pride - watching your child grow into themselves, asserting themselves more, and being ok with who they are.

Of course, it greatly helps to have amazing friends who are patient and understand, not forceful or taking things personally when they are not. Addison was amazing, even through the singular meltdown on Sunday. She gave Abigail space and never made her feel badly about it…at all! Bestie's family was equally amazing, I must add. They made Abigail feel welcome, at home, and loved.

We rented a car and took a road trip across the state, me in the chauffeur seat and the girls giggling in the back. Addison reminds me of my son, Evan, in that she is ever the comedian, making Abigail laugh. Ab proudly showed Addison her grandparents house and blossomed in their presence. It made my heart warm and soar, despite trip exhaustion, aches, and pains - it was wonderful! With her cousin, at my brother's home, she was alit and took many videos and pictures.

Meltdowns/shutdowns are an autistic reality, though. I honestly was happily surprised that there was only one, but that singular event caught me off guard. I know she was tired, hadn't done her "run-arounds" in four days, and was missing her kitty - a trifecta for an emotional storm over what seemed like so little. She used her calming mechanisms and spent some time alone, then slowly brought down the walls. Again, I cannot emphasize enough how amazingly patient and kind Addison was! Even my nephew sensed something and acted accordingly. The trip back across the state went well, as did the following departure date.

For our family, puberty brought around changes that pointed us in the direction of seeking help…the kind that aids a kiddo with HFA (high functioning autism) with self-calming mechanisms, self assertiveness, picking up on less obvious social cues, adjusting to the flexibility that comes with life. We know that ASD stands for autism spectrum disorder - but it isn't a disorder or disability, it is a difference - a different way of seeing the world and responding to it. As a parent, there are challenges, but there are some serious perks, as well. Abigail's life is very black and white which, at times, is very hard to work around; however it also means she follows the rules. Lying makes no sense to her, so she is extremely trustworthy. She says what she means and doesn't play games with people's emotions.

Returning to the vacationing part of this blog - there is more preparation than packing when it comes to autism. Bringing something of your therapy animal, like the specially made bandana, can work wonders for their minds and calm…having options and "outs" with code words or signs are their own special relief.

Now that our very delayed flight brought us home and life resumes, as I reflect on this trip…I am proud of my daughter and how she utilized self calming techniques and all that she learned! I am touched and thankful to both my FL friend and Addison's family for their help in this success…and by Addison, who has made it possible for Abigail to be herself, all the time, with her friendship and loyalty.

Abigail and Addison - sipping their Starbucks and sporting their "best friends" necklaces. :)

Full circle...

Again, I am sitting on my pretentious lanai, inhaling the scent of meat cooking on a neighbor's grill, listening to the the birds calling like wild pterodactyls, back and forth, breaking the silence. If it weren't for interrupting children, I might feel a little like Joe in his homemade shack on the back of the Gilmore land, typing away. Of course, the screen is too pretentious and the momma gator gliding in slow ripples across the lake make it feel less so!

A couple of blogs ago, I talked about Joseph Lee Gilmore. What you see propped up on my art easel (the lovely ribbons added by my youngest) is the last book that Joe wrote, The Butterfly Doctor. His daughter, Jody, sent me the manuscript almost two weeks ago. Spending a long afternoon with the pages, I was pulled into a world of beauty-painted scenery, mountains and rivers, and the colorful characters of pre-war West Virginia.

I believe the first time we read a novel or story, we are more consumed by the plot, actions, and dialogue filling each page. We often miss the artistry. The Butterfly Doctor was no exception - in first reading, I actively followed each turn in the winding story, shedding tears at the end…but this time, I am caught up in the artistry - the near poetic concoction of words followed by the bluntly raw.

Back to the title of the blog - the full circle…
Years ago, my grandmother, Ruth Darling, typed many a hand-written manuscript on her typewriter for Joe's publishers. Here I am, decades later, sitting out on my ever-pretentious lanai, using the typewritten manuscript of his last book and inputting it into digital form! There is also the bit about my opportunity to partake in the journey of having Joe's final novel, post humous, into the published world…Joe - who red lined my first story and gave me honest editorial in my first, ten-year-old writing venture! I doubt that little girl would believe me if I shared what her future would hold. It borders the surreal...

Happy weekend to you all!

World War II, the untold stories...

So - this is less of a blog and more of a request. (If there is no interest in my back story of this request, go to the last paragraph for the specifics.)

Years ago, I had a full outline for a novel; but as I began, I realized that the hours upon hours required for doing the story complete historical justice weren't available to me at that time. (I did have a one, five, and six year old, all running circles around me then!) However, over the past few months, little by little, my research continues…just not as I expected. Instead of the nine men and women I wanted to give voices, many others have begun to "talk" as well.

My original story focused around the untold (or at least less told) stories - like my Serbian "Teta" who spent much of the war (from Yugoslavia's surrender until liberation) in two horrific concentration camps…or my "Chicko" who refused to surrender with the Royal Yugoslavian Army and continued to fight until he was captured and sent to a labor camp, both of which were Serbian Orthodox Church and not singled out for their religion. There is the hero stuck in a 4F body, due to abuse from his father…the corpsman stuck in Saipan…the list goes on of stories not made into epic books, documentaries, and movies.

As others have begun to share their stories, I am seeing my original plans morph from a historical fiction novel, based on the lives of real people, and more towards a compilation of mini biographies, giving voices to the untold stories and perspectives - of all fronts and people groups, regardless to axis or allied  - World War II was not forged by the masses of men required to fight them and those soldier's have stories! Some are heart breaking and some heart warming or even downright funny!

I would like to follow this further and broaden my ears to more stories - if you lived during World War II (whether an impacted family member, a soldier, or anyone who lived it), or have a memorable, interesting, or "untold" story concerning World War II - I welcome it with appreciation. Whether you wish the names to remain anonymous or given…I have a list of specifics for those who wish to share. Please contact me, either in the responses or personal email. Thank you!

A few of these gentlemen who I could easily find photos I have saved:

US Army - European Front

US Navy Corpsman - Pacific Front, Marshall Islands

US Navy - Pacific Front

US Air Force - Aleutian Islands (Alaska area)

Why would they put a 55+ community there?!...

You may be aware of such communities - all residents must be at least fifty-five years old (absolutely no one under this magical age may reside there, regardless to how geriatric your body or mind might be). In these high-gated communities, golf carts are considered viable forms of transportation and often have their own paved lanes. My great-grandparents once lived in one (although, by appearance, it seemed more like a 75+ community; but, then again, I was a child). I remember visiting and wandering into the clubhouse, only to receive the stark glare of "stink eyes" from some elderly gentlemen.

Sandwiched in between four neighborhoods, all with pretentious signs and monuments marking their entrances, a builder is creating a 55+ community. This chosen location baffles me - all adjacent neighborhoods are full of children, it will be walking distance from the middle and high school, and less than 2 miles from the elementary school! I wouldn't think this to be ideal location for this type of community!

It isn't merely the location, but also the shopping. Closest stores will be flooded by people under the magical age of fifty-five and golf carts will be moving targets for newly licensed teenage drivers. Not only this, but the nearby shopping areas are void of hearing aid stores and beauty shops. (This is unlike every strip mall the further into Tampa that one drives - where every strip mall is equipped with both, as well as in-sole, chiropractic, and wheelchair stores…ok, joking on that last one, but you get the idea.)

So - why build here? Perhaps it is due to the taxes being slightly lower in this county, but there are pieces of land for sale closer to the hospital that also would work, farther removed from thousands of people who are younger than 55. Maybe it is the hopes that us, who have not reached this magical age, will gaze longingly beyond those high gates and say, "Honey, when we are fifty-five, let's sell the jeep and get a golf cart, live in there…" Um, doubt it.

Without finding the builder and posing the question directly, I doubt the truth behind the location will be known. As I sit on my pretentious lanai, the wind is whipping the curtains skyward and ominous clouds suggest I wrap up this questionable rant before the coming downpour! Happy Wednesday!

The age of the "stink-eye"

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

As I sat on my pretentious lanai, this past Saturday evening, I watched as colors lit the sky. They reflected off the water of the lake, upside-down mirror images of the explosions above. Scared of the sounds, my sixty-pound American bulldog wedged her body between mine and the mound of pillows, head on my lap. I began to contemplate as the show progressed…how many veterans who have fought for freedom were also feeling the same. Bursts of light emit gun-shot sounds, a resonating noise over air and ground.

The finale was spectacular - the dark sky blown bright with all the rainbow's colors, in arches and wide lines. As the deafening noise became silent, billows of smoke began rising from the rooftops - dark clouds of deep grey slowly ascending.

On July 3, 1776, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, only hours after the Continental Congress voted for the independence of the American colonies. Did you read that date? In it, he stated, "The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America." Did you catch it that time? It was actually July 2nd, not 4th, that independence was declared, or at least voted upon. So, why the 4th as "Independence Day?" This was that day that the official document, our "Declaration of Independence" was finished and signed, then printed and spread through the colonies.

In the letter, John Adams also told his wife: "By pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of the continent to the other." Albeit early, due to the 4th falling on a Wednesday this year, that evening's display definitely checked off Adam's final wish…or did it? When news spread through the colonies, American's rang bells, lit great bonfires, fired their guns, and illuminated their windows with candles. Interesting that the illumination here is with candles, not exploding fireworks. Of course, present day pyro technology was not in existence at that point, unless you could the crude explosives used on July 4, 1777. Amidst the war for Independence still raging, 13 of these were sent skyward, one for each colony.

If we followed the tradition of the first anniversary, we would be observing fifty fireworks - more of a reverent, yet celebratory scale. I wasn't counting Saturday night, but there were at least double that amount exploding in the sky. Three interesting facts about our nation's fourth of July fireworks: 1. Ninety-nine percent of the fireworks purchased are from China. 2. The US spends over a billion dollars in fireworks - a BILLION! 3. Seventy-seven percent of male injuries in July are due to fireworks - burns, blinding, hearing loss, lost digits or limbs.

To summarize these three - over a billion dollars are spent, 99% of which goes to another country's pocket, and lots of people get hurt - I must (sarcastically) say, sounds super patriotic to me! In all seriousness, though - Happy Fourth Of July, the official signing and sending of our country's Declaration of Independence! Stay safe with the pyros and have fun!